A Newer Hope

A Newer Hope is a retelling of Star Wars Episode IV using this universe's characters. Inspired by Phineas and Ferb: Star Wars and the Family Guy Star Wars Trilogy, this is a retelling of the 1977 film in which characters from this universe fill in the roles of iconic Star Wars characters (except for C-3PO and R2D2, who still appear as main characters). This can also be considered a crossover due to the mentions of events and characters in the prequels.

Ship Boarding
A Short Time Ago In A Galaxy Close To Ours... A small spaceship is seen flying away as a large starship follows behind it. The larger ship flies higher and aligns with the smaller one. Five units of stormtroopers board the enemy ship and a green alien in a black robe is the last one down with his subordinates.

The focus is turned to a group of rebels with their laser rifles pointed at the main door.

"Brace yourselves! The stormtroopers are boarding us!" one of the rebels shouts to his comrades.

Two small explosions and then a larger one bring down the door. One by one, stormtroopers enter through the opening and fire at the rebels. Lasers fly back and forth as soldiers on both sides fall. As the rebels begin to be outnumbered, they fall back and the aforementioned alien walks through. One rebel sees him and his jaw drops.

"Darth Lolifegg is here! Fall back!" the rebel shouts in fear as he runs for his life

Lolifegg walks towards a wounded rebel bleeding out on the floor. Picking him up, he holds him by the throat and starts interrogating him.

"Where is Princess Lydia?" Lolifegg demands

"I don't know" the rebel answers as Lolifegg stabs him with his lightsaber

"Spread out and find her!" one of the stormtroopers orders as they split up

Running in various directions, more rebels are gunned down as the stormtroopers search every room. In one of the rooms, Princess Lydia is handing a disc to C-3PO and R2D2 before the droids flee to the escape pods.

Shortly after the droids escape, the stormtroopers breach the door and shoot a laser at Lydia that stuns her. Taking her to Darth Lolifegg, she refuses to talk and is escorted onto Lolifeggs ship to be taken prisoner. The droids then flee attacking stormtroopers, hiding in an escape pod. R2 then beeps three times and activates the escape pod.

"Mission? What are you talking about? If you really want to go on a mission, fine" 3PO answers as the pod lands on Tattooine.

Minutes after they land, a group of Jawa droid traders shoot them with ionization blasters and lug them away.

Arthur's New Droids
The next day, Arthur Skywalker  and his Uncle Owen stroll down to buy droids. Owen inspects a droid that he finds very familiar.

"You...wait a second. Did you belong to Anakin Skywalker?" Owen asks

"Yes I did. Who is asking?" C-3PO responds

"Owen Lars. I knew your former master" Owen answers before motioning that he wants that droid

"I like this blue R2 unit Uncle Owen" Arthur chimes in

"And that one too" Uncle Owen adds

The four then walk home and Arthur takes the droids upstairs. As Arthur cleans R2, he accidentally triggers Lydia's message

"Help me Scannon-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope" Lydia begs repeatedly

"She's beautiful" Arthur blurts out

"We met her on the rebel shi---" C-3PO says before stopping

"You are in the rebel alliance! Cool!" Arthur proclaims

"I'm just an interpreter" C-3PO answers, killing the mood as Arthur goes away for dinner and eventually, to sleep

Arthur is soon awoken by rustling coming from the garage. Tiptoeing into the garage, C-3PO looks at him very distraught.

"It wasn't my fault. He wanted to go on that mission to find Scannon-Wan and I told him not to" 3PO whines

Speedwalking to Arthur's speeder to find R2, they fly for a short time before finding him. Just then, a sand person armed with a war club strikes Arthur and drags his unconscious body around. As 3PO and R2 flee to safety, a hooded man scares off the sand people. Taking off his hood, he reveals himself to be Scannon-Wan. Waking up Arthur, he assists him to his feet and the four walk to the speeder to leave.

Arthur's Life Completely Changes
After arriving at Scannon-Wan's home, Scannon begins revealing information about Anakin and himself.

"Your father was my best friend. I mentored him to be a Jedi" Scannon tells Arthur

"You were a Jedi!" Arthur squeals

"Yes. A Jedi Knight" Scannon solemnly answers

"How did my father die?" Arthur asks

Sighing, Scannon hangs his head and begins to answer

"There was another pupil of mine named Darth Lolifegg. He turned to the dark side of the force and betrayed your father, taking Anakin Skywalker away from us" Scannon says, on the verge of shedding tears

Scannon waltzes towards a brown box and grabs a lightsaber from it, tossing it to Arthur.

"This was your father's lightsaber. It was the weapon of the Jedi and a very elegant tool of warfare" Scannon explains as Arthur swings around his father's lightsaber.

R2 then reveals Lydia's message to Scannon in it's entirety, which pleads him to go to Alderaan.

"Arthur, I want you to join my on my trip to Alderaan. I will mentor you in the ways of the force so you can fight evil like your father before you" Scannon offers

After a short pause, Arthur reluctantly agrees.

"We will need a pilot" Scannon says as he stands up and the group boards the speeder and flies to Mos Eisley Spaceport

While on their way to Mos Eisley, they pass the location of where R2 and C-3PO were purchased. Looking around, they see the lifeless corpses of Jawas.

"Sand people?" Arthur wonders out loud

"No, they did too good of a job to be sand people. These were imperial stormtroopers" Scannon responds

"If they tracked where the droids were purchased, then that might lead them...home!" Arthur cries as he darts towards his speeder and flies home

Once Arthur arrives at his home, he sees his house up in smoke and flames, unable to find the charred remains of his aunt and uncle. After a tear sprints down his cheek, he flies back to Scannon

"Let's go to Alderaan" he says as his voice breaks and they fly away to the spaceport

Mos Eisley Spaceport
Arriving at the spaceport, they exit the speeder and Scannon warns of the degenerates who live here. Flying, two stormtroopers walk over to them.

"Are those the droids we were looking for?" one of the stormtroopers asks his colleague

"These aren't the droids you're looking for" Scannon interrupts

"No, I really think those are the droids we were looking for" the same stormtrooper replies

"These aren't the droids you're looking for" Scannon says again with a scowl on his face

"You know, those aren't the droids we were looking for. Let's go" the stormtrooper answers in fear as he scampers away

Trudging into the cantina diner, Scannon recognizes someone and walks over to him.

"Pigbacca? You were friends with my master if I'm not mistaken" Scannon asks

Pigbacca then oinks three times

"We're trying to get to Alderaan. You wouldn't happen to be a pilot, would you?" Scannon responds

Pigbacca oinks four times

"That's great! Take me to Mr. Solo!" Scannon exclaims in joy

The heroes then follow Pigbacca to a booth where Garth Solo is sitting.

"I'm Garth Solo, captain of the Decade Vulture. Fastest ship there is" Solo boasts

"So my father's killer is Darth, our pilot is Garth, what's next, are we going to battle on Hoth?" Arthur asks in an accent where the r's in Garth and Darth are omitted

"We need to go to Alderaan Garth. We'll pay you good money" Scannon orders using the mind trick

"We'll take you to Alderaan. Piggie, bring them to the Vulture" Garth answers as Pigbacca leads them

"Whenever you want something, anything at all. Use the mind trick. It's used way, way too little" Scannon tells his new protege

Just then, Vomiu sits down at the booth with Garth armed with a pistol

"Going somewhere?" Vomiu asks as he puts his gun on Garth's chest, sitting him back down

"Musasha wants you. He's close to having someone freeze you in carbonite" Vomiu cockily says

After quipping back and forth at each other, Garth inconspicuously grabs his gun and shoots Vomiu in the head.

"That's funny. Some people think he would've shot first" Garth mutters, strutting back to the Vulture

Once he gets there, he sees Musasha the Hutt calling his name.

"I'm here Musasha, I'm here" Garth moans

"Solo, my boy, where is my money?" Musasha asks

"I have it, just not with me. If you give me more time, I'll give you some extra" Garth replies as Musasha slithers around him

"Garth, my boy, you better. You don't want me to have to send Klaika Fett here to come after you" Musasha bellows

"As you wish Musasha, Garth's no good to me dead" Klaika answers in a threatening tone

The two then leave the area as Garth starts to board his ship when three stormtroopers shoot at him. Firing two shots back in self-defense, he darts onto his ship and demands that Pigbacca start the ship. Pigbacca then does as he is told, fleeing the area and flying to Alderaan.

The Life Moon
Flying away towards Alderaan, Scannon is instructing Arthur in the ways of lightsaber combat and the force.

"The force? That doesn't exist" Garth groans, criticizing Scannon's teaching methods

"The force is very real my friend" Scannon answers solemnly as Arthur practices deflecting lasers while blindfolded

Pigbacca then oinks to Garth

"Yeah Piggie, that's an imperial starship" Garth moans as a short pause ensues "Let's fly to that moon"

"That's no moon, that's a space station" Scannon replies, unaware that the battle station's name is the Life Moon

The Life Moon then sucks the Vulture in to their hangar. Two stormtroopers then board the ship. Garth uses his pistol to kill the stormtroopers. Taking one of their armors and giving the other one's to Arthur, they exit the ship and follow the other stormtroopers out of the hangar until they all left. Saying that they have to go to the bathroom, they go back to get the droids, Scannon and Pigbacca. Strolling over to a control center, Pigbacca takes out the two guards.

R2 then beeps three times and hacks into the mainframe to find Lydia. After hacking, R2 beeps again.

"Lydia is in Cell 5B" C-3PO translates

Scannon then walks away in another direction.

"Where are you going?" Arthur asks

"Arthur, I have to do this alone. Trust me and may the force be with you" Scannon replies before flipping his hood on and walking away

Arthur then waits several moments before starting to walk away.

"Where are you going" Garth jokingly asks

"To find Lydia, you coming?" Arthur answers excitedly

"Fine" Garth moans reluctantly

Speedwalking towards Pigbacca, Arthur grabs a pair of handcuffs.

"I've got an idea, let me put these on you" Arthur requests before Pigbacca oinks loudly

"Don't worry, Piggy. I think I know what he has in mind" Garth says, taking the handcuffs away from Arthur and putting them on Pigbacca

Arthur, Garth and Pigbacca walk to find Lydia as the droids go back to the Vulture. The heroes enter a room with three imperial officers on computers.

"We're just taking this prisoner to his cell" Garth says very suspiciously

"Yeah, nothing peculiar going on with us" Arthur adds

"Why wasn't this called in? We should have been notified" one of the officers wonders

Pigbacca then oinks loudly and starts flailing his arms.

"LOOK OUT, HE'S LOOSE!" Garth shouts in a phony panic as he fires his blaster at the officers, killing them

"Go find the princess, I'll defend this position" Garth orders as Arthur nods, running to find Cell 5B

Looking around, Arthur eventually finds Lydia's cell and frees her.

"Who are you? Why did I hear shooting?" Lydia asks in fear

"My name is Arthur Skywalker. I'm here to rescue you and Scannon-Wan Kenobi is here with me-" Arthur says before Lydia interrupts him

"Scannon?!?" Lydia exclaims in glee as she follows Arthur out of her cell

Running towards Garth, Arthur keeps mumbling about how beautiful Lydia is.

"Geez, Arthur. You act like your related to her" Garth mocks

The heroes then run back to their ship. Killing stormtroopers and officers on the way, they start boarding the ship.

"Wow, that was easy. I had this dream where I went through wet, stinky garbage with Piggy and I thought we'd experience that. Good for us!" Garth proclaims to himself before a laser whizzes past his head.

Before the ship takes off, Arthur realizes that someone is not with them.

"Scannon!" Arthur cries as he looks up, seeing Scannon about to fight Darth Lolifegg

The focus then shifts between the ensuing lightsaber battle. The two combatants then draw their lightsaber and start tapping their blades against each other.

"Hey, Scannon-Wan? Remember when we were on Mustafar and we were so athletic and young?" Lolifegg asks

"Yeah, we got so old" Scannon comments

"I think that was soon after I slaughtered all of the younglings!" Lolifegg chimes

"The fact that you were my pupil makes your behavior embarrass me. It actually embarrasses me more than Jar-Jar" Scannon insults before a short pause ensues

"You know, killing me will make me more powerful than ever. More powerful than you, Darth" Scannon announces before letting Darth thrust his lightsaber through his body, killing him instantly

"NOOO!" Arthur cries loudly as the ship takes off, escaping the Life Moon

The Final Space Battle
Lydia leads the Vulture to a rebel base on Yavin IV. Introducing her rescuers to the rebels, Arthur immediately is accepted into the alliance. Garth, on the other hand, refuses to be a rebel.

"I'm only in this for the money" he tells Pigbacca after he is asked about his choice

A rebel leader then calls a meeting for all soldiers

"With the intel the princess has given me, the Life Moon must be destroyed. We believe that it may have a weak point. So, the plan is to take our X-Wings to the Moon and destroy it" the leader explains as Arthur instantly volunteers for the mission

"Garth, can you help us?" Arthur asks his new friend

"No kid. But, I can give you assistance over communications"

"I'll settle for that" Arthur says before suiting up and flying away with other rebel pilots

Flying rapidly towards the Life Moon, the rebel fighters immediately start firing, realizing that their shots are doing nothing. Seeing a trench in the Moon, they fly into it and search thoroughly.

"Look for a possible weakness" Garth advises

Just as Arthur starts searching, a ship behind him explodes. Looking behind him, he sees a man in a black mask in a TIE Fighter leading other defenders shooting down another ship.

"Lolifegg is picking off our ships! HELP!" Arthur shouts

Trying to evade Lolifegg, a shot comes in that knocks away Lolifegg's ship. More then come in and destroy the other enemy ships.

"Use the force, Arthur" Arthur hears in his head in Scannon's voice

"I've got your back kid. Now drop a bomb in that hole up ahead!" Garth encourages as Pigbacca oinks in the background

Arthur then fires an accurately shot torpedo into a hole leading to a reactor, causing the Life Moon to explode. The heroes then fly away back to the base on Yavin IV.

The next day...

The following day, all of the rebels stand watching Lydia bring two medals down. But, Pigbacca, Arthur and Garth are all standing up on a stage expecting medals. Lydia then smiles as she puts medals around the necks of Garth and Arthur. A flabbergasted Pigbacca looks around and oinks lividly.

"People don't suck Piggy" Garth whispers to Pigbacca as the other rebels cheer and clap to celebrate their victory

Roles Played

 * Arthur "Donkeyman" Hopkins as Luke Skywalker
 * Garth "MrGarthyP" Purke as Han Solo
 * Lydia "RoboLady" Fields as Princess Leia
 * Scannon as Obi-Wan
 * C-3PO as himself
 * R2D2 as himself
 * Piggles as Chewbacca
 * Lolifegg as Darth Vader
 * Vomiu as Greedo
 * Klaika as Boba Fett
 * Musasha as Jabba the Hutt

Trivia

 * The author doesn't care that this story's logo is similar to Henchman Life's because they are the best photos he could find