Buzzie Saves Chicago

Buzzie Saves Chicago is a parody story in which the elderly businessman Buzzie Davis becomes an action hero. While this story does take place in the main timeline of this universe, the story is meant to mock and poke fun at the action genre and is completely meant to not be taken as seriously as other stories.

"Hello, Chicago!"
"Hello, Chicago!" Buzzie shouts as he exits his private jet

Sauntering to the limousine waiting for him, he greets his chauffer and enters the vehicle.

"What brings you to the Windy City?" Buzzie's driver blurts

"The Chicago Cubs asked me to throw the first pitch at a game. All I hope is to avoid bad publicity" Buzzie answers

"Nah, you're Buzzie Davis. You can buy you're way out of a pickle" the driver chuckles

The two share a laugh before the drive begins.

As more time passes, Buzzie starts to feel like a child again as he takes pictures of the sights he sees with his cell phone camera. A colossal grin grows on his face, which also causes the chauffer to smile.

"So rich people can feel emotion?" the chauffer questions

"Some of them. A lot us are as-" Buzzie starts before he is interrupted

"I know what you are going to end that phrase with. Please don't, swearing is a pet peeve of mine" the driver asks rudely

"Fine" Buzzie sighs "I shouldn't have to. Americans get freedom of speech"

As the car pulls up in front of Buzzie's hotel, Buzzie exits the car, puts on sunglasses and turns to see his driver with a pen and paper.

"One last thing, can you sign some autographs for me and my family?" he requests while looking down to the ground in an ashamed manner

"Why ask me now instead of when you first picked me up? Either way, sure I'll sign a few" Buzzie quips back

Signing four pieces of paper, Buzzie walks away as the driver calls someone on the phone

"MOMMY! I GOT BUZZIE DAVIS TO SIGN STUFF!!!" he shrieks

An Unexpected Detour
A few hours pass and Buzzie is given a car by some of his employees. Driving around trying to find a restaurant that intrigues him, he sees a few options. Continuing driving, he hears an explosion and sees fire to his left.

Swearing in fear, he swerves and lands too close to the scene. Peeking through the window through his car, he sees a group of criminals running around shooting random people they come across using shotguns. Getting out of his car, he takes a look out of one of the windows and sees one of the assailants running near his car. Reaching into his pocket and taking out his headphones, he waits for the criminal to run past him. Popping up and using his headphones to strangle the criminal, he sees the man fall to the ground a few seconnds later. Checking his pulse, Buzzie determines that the attacker is dead.

"I just killed someone..." Buzzie whimpers

Picking up the shotgun the criminal wiedled, he hears more gunshots behind him and Buzzie's jaw drops and starts panting. One of the criminals sees blood underneath the car Buzzie was driving and curiously walks towards the car. Looking, he surprisingly sees Buzzie.

"Buzzie Davis? The Buz-" the second criminal says in shock before Buzzie panics and hits him in the head with his shotgun, breaking his head open, likely killing him.

Starting to cry, Buzzie kneels down and grabs his head. Blowing his cover, Buzzie shouts due to the traumatic experience. Unluckily for him, two of the criminals hear him and run towards the car. As they point their shotguns at him, they are also surprised to see him.

"Buzzie? We can have some mad fun with you" one of the two criminals in front of Buzzie cackles as a third comes from behind Buzzie and uses pressure points to knock him unconscious.

Kidnapped
Buzzie wakes up and learns from the conversation he overhears from his captors that it is three hours after his capture.

"We were so lucky to have this factory available. It smells like crap in here, but at least no cops will find us" a criminal says in joy.

"You whippersnappers better let me go. I'm old and you hooligans should pick on someone who's fair to fight!" Buzzie complains

"Bro, you killed two of our comrades. You're lucky they were annoying" the same criminal answers

Looking down to the ground, Buzzie sees a pistol under his chair. Realizing that he's been tied up this whole time, he mutters to himself to call himself a stupid moron. He also figures out that his captors did a poor job at tying the rope. Trying to escape, he flabbergasts himself by actually breaking himself free. Picking up the pistol from under his chair, he points his gun at the criminals. Both try to run away screaming in fear. The first trips and accidentally shoots another criminal in the head. That same criminal tries to run further away, but then slips on a puddle of beer and shoots himself in the neck. Buzzie's string of good luck continues when he sees that the last criminal alive is heavily drunk. Picking up the bottle of whiskey he assumes the intoxicated criminal was drinking, he swings it and hits both of the enemy's leg. As the drunk criminal falls to the ground, he puts three bullets in each of his arms to keep him alive for the police and promplty looks around for a better gun. Finding a rocket launcher, he finds a door to exit the factory and unfortunately finds another surprise.

More Of This
When Buzzie exits the factory, he is surprised to see four corrupt cops running around shooting people along with five new gang members.

"Man, Chicago sucks!" Buzzie shouts out

Using the launcher, he blows up half of the enemies (who conveniently are standing near a cop car that makes an immense explosion when the rocket hits it).

"Buzzie Davis?" one of the criminals shouts

"Yeah, I'm the old man who's gonna kick your butts!" Buzzie yells as he runs towards the criminals, thinking he can take them on in a hand-to-hand fight. After taking one punch to the face, Buzzie falls to the ground. After taking one kick to the groin, he recuperates and steals a rifle from the criminal who kicked him. Shooting the criminals around him and aiming for headshots, he laughs like a psycho and then shoots his kicker in the groin as well.

"Now, you know what it feels like. You wish I hit you in the head so you don't feel any pain. But now you hurt. I should stop rambling" Buzzie proclaims

Before Buzzie finishes his monologue, the criminal is so bored by his speech at he shoots himself to avoid having to listen anymore.

What Next?
After Buzzie's over-the-top adventure, several events transpired after worth noting...
 * Buzzie's amazing string of good luck continued as no eyewitnesses saw him, keeping the publicity away from him
 * Buzzie started to get occasional PTSD from the incidents
 * Buzzie wrote what happened down and prepared to share it after his death and even acknowleged how stereotypical his adventure was in relation to action films. He even said in his written explanation of his experience how his story was just like an over-the-top outrageous 1980's action film.
 * Buzzie ended up tossing the first pitch at the Cubs game the next week as the game was cancelled due to the major shootouts

Trivia

 * This was the first story in this universe that was a parody and not meant to be taken as seriously as other stories
 * This story was inspired by the fact that 50 Cent had an action video game
 * The cover photo for this story is an edited version of this photo